Sometimes the universe gives you a swift kick in the butt to get you moving. I was on the receiving end of one this week.
Although I’ve been feeling better, I haven’t had the motivation to work on Chaos Wolf. I have to turn it in by the 23rd of July for it to be edited. Although I’m over my cold, I haven’t regained my energy yet. I’ve been working on Thin Red Line with Julie, but not much else. I’ve been poking along, trying to find inspiration.
During my monster cold, they took an X-ray to make sure I didn’t have pneumonia or bronchitis. The noticed a strange shadow that didn’t quite look like either of those. So my doctor asked me to do a follow-up X-ray. I went back in Tuesday night.
Wednesday morning I was contacted by my doctor. The shadow was still there. I was looking at two possible diagnoses – a lung nodule, or a calcified disc. I scheduled a CT scan for that evening.
I spent all of Wednesday deep in introspection. Due to past medical situations, I have a habit of jumping to the worst diagnosis as the correct one. A nodule could potentially be the first signs of lung cancer. It would be ironic to die of lung cancer, since I’ve never smoked. But it would also be the kind of luck I would have. I went to the hospital and had my CT scan done, then spent a restless night wondering what was coming next.
Thursday morning I got an email from my doctor. The scan revealed that it was a calcified disc. A weight lifted off of me. This is the best possible outcome, other than it was an error and there was nothing there.
Given my scoliosis, I wasn’t surprised I had a issue with my disc. I’ve been told as I grow older that arthritis and calcification are going to be issues. I probably have several calcified or herniated, although they haven’t been diagnosed yet. All that can be done is pain management as needed.
But for a few hours, I wasn’t thinking spine issues. I was thinking lung issues. What if it is a lung nodule? What if it’s potentially cancerous? What happens then? What happens to my mother? To my cats? If I had to do chemotherapy, would I be able to publish my book?
Time isn’t something we’re guaranteed. We need to make the most of it. I am going to be using mine more wisely from here on out.