This week has been a challenge.
I wasn’t joking last week when I said I thought my writing was absolute crap. I’ve been forcing myself forward out of a sense of discipline, but the joy is not there. I’m not sure if I just want to be done with this story, if it’s the fact that this week was a high stress time at work, or the pain from the flaring up of an old injury has me distracted. It’s probably some combination of all three. Even writing this entry has been difficult. On the plus side, I have about three future posts started for the next few weeks.
It’s not a lack of ideas. I have plenty of those. It is more a lack of motivation. The ideas and words are racing around in my head. When I start to type, they do not appear to be as interesting once they hit the screen. Who would want to read this? Who would find this interesting? Why can’t I produce more words quickly like Famous Author does? Yes, if you haven’t guessed by now I do suffer from self-esteem issues.
Unlike in the past, when I would have given up entirely and deleted the document because I was certain no one would ever be interested in it, I have continued forward. I’m currently at 55,000 words written. Given how fast I’m able to edit given my circumstances, I will be done in about a month. I gently remind myself that as much as I would like it to be, writing is not my full time job. I am not under a deadline other than those I impose on myself.
After writing this, I took my mother out to dinner. We went to a Mongolian restaurant and enjoyed ourselves. Normally we mock the predictions we find in our fortune cookies. Tonight I couldn’t quite find it in me to mock it. “Your project will soon gain momentum.”
Think the universe is trying to tell me something?